“He just doesn’t make me happy anymore.”
Maybe it’s because we lost an hour of sleep with Daylight Savings Time, but this week I heard 3 wives question the future of their marriages because their husbands no longer made them happy.
What is happening here? Are our mates collectively dropping the ball in the ‘Keeping-Wives-Happy-Department?’
Truth be told, if we turn to the Bible, we find little connection between husbands and happiness. The closest the Bible comes to addressing happiness in marriage is in Deuteronomy 24:5 (KJV).
When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he has taken.
This verse merely refers to the policy exempting a newly married man from being taken from home during the first year of marriage, in order to prevent divorce, which was the focus of the earlier verses.
Scripture reveals the true source of our happiness and joy:
Happy are the people whose God is the Lord.
With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.
And that’s just the start.
The Bible references the word ‘happy’ about 30 times, and the word ‘joy’ over 300 times. Each of those verses indicate that our feelings of gladness and delight stem from our relationship with God.
Not our husbands.
Bluntly put, marriage wasn’t designed to bring happiness.
Though getting married can be romantic, exciting and delightful; staying married requires hard work, perseverance and Divine intervention.
Despite what we’ve been told in fairy tales… Marriage does not lead to Happily Ever After.
But what about…
My friends who are married to Mr. Perfect?
They aren’t so perfect.
My co-worker who brags about the romantic birthday her spouse is planning?
It’s probably takeout and Netflix.
Those FB posts of dazzling adult beverages consumed on someone’s date night?
They may be drinking because they can’t be sober in each other’s presence.
See? You are not alone.
I’ve been married 21 years, and while Rey is my best friend, lover, and partner in life, he is not the source of my happiness.
BIG REVEAL – this Christian marriage blogger is not always filled with happiness and delight over her marriage!
But that’s okay. Whenever I experience a surge of unhappiness, I treat it as a reminder to turn to the Lord.
In the past, when I’d experience a sudden rush of emotion, whether it be dissatisfaction, gratitude, or even love, I used to pick up the phone and connect with the person I imagined was the source of those feelings – my husband, parents, sister or friends. Those calls were usually unsatisfying, however, as my true need for connection wasn’t with a person.
I needed to reconnect with God.
No matter the circumstances, I can take joy in knowing that God is constant. He will meet my every need and has a perfect plan for me. No husband can do that.
Once we recognize this, the unattainable expectations that we’ve unfairly placed on our husbands, dissolve.
And we can stop being resentful at our mates because they aren’t making us happy anymore.
What other sneaky little lies about marriage have we been tricked into believing? Please share – your comments below to help and encourage the wife who might be thinking “it’s just me.”